It’s about to get real. I feel it in my gut and in my heart even as I type on my computer. I get chills just thinking about it. I mean, I do get super honest on here. I’ve shared very personal things, like the loss of my brother, and what I’m about to talk about is very much related to him and a touch of music.
I have always loved music. For many of the reasons many of us love it. The right songs can express exactly what you’re feeling. When I was younger, it was very much about the thrill of not being allowed to listen to certain kinds of music. I’d put the radio, MTV or Vh1 whenever I got the chance. I got older and didn’t have to worry about it as much and the freedom just opened up the world of music. It wasn’t only until 3 years ago that I realized that I really had an impact on the kind of music my little brother listened to. He’d never admit it, though. I wasn’t ashamed to admit that his taste in music had an influence on me as well. Music was always something that we connected with. Then it became something he and my own family connected with. Whether we were playing guitar hero or running errands all over town with the stereo high. The kids also love music as much as we do.
I’d never had the chance to attend any concert or music event that wasn’t church related. I have always wanted to but I just wasn’t able too. (I know..I know…what a fake music fanatic) I remember when I first heard of Firefly Music Festival , fall of 2013(don’t quote me on that) the first person I mentioned it to was my brother. I said “Jro we gotta go ….even for a day.. look at all these amazing bands!” “You’re too chicken …that’s not your scene….you wouldn’t last there”..he said.
He was right I’m so tightly wound that I was not going to have the guts to even go, I had to prove him wrong. “We’re going next year, I’m not gonna chicken out, just don’t ditch your corny sis or anything like that once we’re there,” I said.
New Years passed, then the new ear came and by February 2014 my heart was broken and hurt in the worst way when he was gone. He was my heart, and what kept my old soul alive. My baby brother and the best uncle and brother in law the kids and Julio could ever have.
The weeks went by slowly and painfully and I thought about all the things we wouldn’t be able to do together anymore. I realized at some point that I couldn’t feel sad about that anymore, or at least tr not to. I was even more determined to live through him and who he was. He loved life! What the heck was I waiting for?! Life is passing me right by, with my head in the clouds, without actually doing anything about it. All these what ifs I’ve had! I told my husband that we had to do everything we could to get to Firefly. We bought our single day passes for Saturday!
June 2014 came by quickly. We dropped the kids off at my parents (which we rarely do..we are always together) the Friday night before the drive to Delaware. It was supposed to rain that Saturday and now that I think back I just remember light rain as soon as we got to Delaware and it stopped. The rest of the day was beautiful! There was no traffic either. I felt my anxiety kicking in already as soon as we stood in line for security to let us through.There were so many people. I was overwhelmed. We were early and the first band we wanted to see was TwentyOne Pilots. Now, we’re not hardcore fans of the guys but we were obsessed with a few of their songs. We waited in the area where they were scheduled to play. Before, I knew it the crowd of people was huge and the performance was about to begin.
I was anxious and nervous again. The music was loud (as expected) and I could feel my heart practically jumping out of my chest! Julio stood behind me so I wouldn’t get pushed around too much by the people jumping all around us. What was I even doing here I thought?! I felt like crying…I tried so hard not to, didn’t want anyone noticing me. I just thought about my brother blasting TwentyOne Pilots in the car and dancing around like crazy just to weird other people out in other cars. “It ain’t the speakers that bump hearts, it’s our hearts that make the beat.” –I understood right then and there why I was there. I was living in the moment. Jro would’ve been jumping around right next to me me! He was there, in my mind and in my heart! I felt amazing! That’s how it was for the rest of the day. I barely took pictures, which I very much regret. The adrenaline at every performance was like nothing else. I fell in love with Firefly that day! I’m coming back, I said!
In the middle of all of this and I don’t know when exactly I stumbled upon the Firefly Music Festival Fan Page a group, constantly growing, full of amazing, kind people. Everyone is different on there the only thing we all have in common is a love for music and Firefly. The kindest and most passionate strangers I have ever met. We are the #FMFFP -family.
All of this was possible because I went for it. I did it without thinking too much about it. I had one of the best experiences in my life. My faith in humanity was restored because of a wonderful group of people. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to Firefly 2015 ….believe me..I’m trying! They won’t be selling single day passes this year so it’d be very hard for us to spend $600 something dollars on a fest. It’s killing me, but I’m not giving up. If you see me on facebook or twitter ranting or with weird posts that’s me trying to get tickets for the hubs and I so bare with me.
Point is, sometimes you just gotta go for it…don’t let anything hold you back! That’s how I want to live my life, I don’t care how many times I stumble and fall. My brother, music, and a festival in Dover, Delaware changed my life for the better!